Chapter 12: Kill Five of Them

[Previous Chapter] [Table of Contents] [Next Chapter]

T/N: This is a horrible joke, but it reveals the gap between humans and animals.

Waiting until Zhou Qin entered the dormitory, Li Yundong turned around. To the little fox, he said, “Hey, she’s gone. What are you still looking at?”

Su Chan let out a light sigh and delightedly praised, “Well proportioned flesh and bones. Thick eyebrows and straight nose. A full forehead. The breadth of her eyes and the space in between are of equal proportions. Her philtrum is wide, deep and also long. Her temples are soft. Narrow waist and wide hides. She possesses ample spirit and vigor. She truly is a pure yin great beauty that is one in ten thousand. Great cultivation furnace. A truly great cultivation furnace.”

Li Yundong was shocked. He subconsciously moved to check Su Chan’s forehead, “Are you going crazy? What are you muttering about? What great cultivation furnace?”

Su Chan stopped staring and said, “I’m complimenting her.”

Li Yundong spoke with a strange expression on his face, “You’re complimenting her? Saying someone is a great cultivation furnace is a compliment? Hey, don’t think that I’m an idiot. I still understand the meaning of cultivation furnace at least a little, okay? I’ve watched Huang Yi’s ‘Lethal Weapons Of Love And Passion’, alright?”

Su Chan blinked her eyes and said, “You know? Then that’s great.”

The little fox pulled Li Yundong out of the crowd. She looked left and right checking the surrounding. Then with a crafty glow in her gaze, she quietly said, “Yundong, you must pursue her! We can’t miss out on this kind of great cultivation furnace.

In the eyes of the little fox, a pure yin virgin beauty cultivation furnace like Zhou Qin, the pure yin in her body can be considered some of the rarely found pure yin in this world. And the powerful and vigorous Gold Pill essence currently in Li Yundong’s body is some of the rarely found pure yang in this world. If the two combine, then yin and yang would interweave, definitely granting Li Yundong great benefits.

Li Yundong at this time did not seem like someone who would cultivate of his own initiative. The little fox also did not dare to explain without being forced. Thus she could only think some of way to help Li Yundong increase the primordial yang cultivation in his body.

Plucking yin to supplement yang was without a doubt a great method.

However, the little fox was wrong in that she always used the thought patterns of a cultivator to evaluate the thoughts of a normal person.

Upon hearing the little fox’s words, Li Yundong almost didn’t trip and fall to his death. The expression on his face was frozen. His eyes gazed strangely at Su Chan. For a long time, he was rendered speechless.

‘What did this girl mean to say? Did she just instigate me to pursue Zhou Qin?

‘Is she testing me? Or is she lacking in common sense?

‘Or perhaps, in her heart, she does not take me seriously? Otherwise how could she instigate me to pursue other women?’

Li Yundong’s heart was full of depression. As if he had just ate wax, without a sound, he started heading back.

The little fox saw Li Yundong’s action. She was rather curious. While following behind him docilely, she muttered inside, ‘Did I say something wrong again? I didn’t say anything wrong. That girl is a pure yin beauty, a one-in-ten-thousand cultivation furnace. If a practitioner of dual cultivation saw her, they would definitely fight over her.

‘Perhaps, he doesn’t like her? Impossible. That girl is really beautiful. Didn’t master say that all men were lecherous?’

The little fox had a head full of doubts. She blindly followed behind Li Yundong while thinking random thoughts in her head.

Li Yundong was also letting his imagination run wild along the way. The two with their incongruous thought patterns continued guessing what the other one thought. This trip was very oppressive and depressing.

After leaving the school gate, Li Yundong finally remember. He smack his leg and cursed out loud, “Your mother! Those contemptible bastards made me throw away the ingredients! What will we eat tonight!”

The little fox saw that Li Yundong finally started talking. She let out a breath of relief on the inside, as if a ten thousand jin boulder had disappeared. “Then is it okay to go buy some more?”

Li Yundong gave a cold smile. “Go back to that marketplace? Forget it. I’m not going back there this entire lifetime.”

Even though the little fox thought differently from a normal person thus making her seem innocent and foolish, lacking in common sense, but she was definitely not stupid. She realized that the cause of the entire incident was apparently herself.

Su Chan pulled on the hem of Li Yundong’s shirt with an expression full of guilt. “I’m sorry. I caused you a lot of trouble…” With those words, she raised her head. Widening her already large eyes, she pitifully stared at Li Yundong and said, “Go ahead and scold me.”

Even if Li Yundong were angry, there was no way he could take it out on a beautiful girl looking miserable. He sighed internally. ‘Don’t be silly. How could I be willing to scold you?’

Li Yundong smiled and said, “Let’s go. Today, we won’t eat at home. I’ll take you to McDonald’s.”

The little fox said surprised, “McDonalds? What is McDonalds?”

Li Yundong smiled and said, “It’s just fast food. Simple and convenient food.”

The little fox asked, “Then, is it delicious?”

Li Yundong thought for a bit and replied, “It’s okay I guess. You’ll know after you eat.”

The nearest McDonald’s to Tiannan University was pretty close. It was only ten minutes by walking.

Li Yundong brought the little fox and headed toward the McDonald’s. It was noon. The sun was round like a plate. Its white light shined down on the ground causing hot steam to raise in patches.

The little fox followed closely behind Li Yundong, curiously evaluating her surroundings. The city’s tall buildings and endless traffic was a stark contrast to the deep mountains and old forests where she used to cultivate.

The little fox dragged Li Yundong along all the way asking about this and that. To her, everything was fresh and new. She always had a smile of pleasant surprise on her face.

This smile made Li Yundong who remained under the blazing sun feel refreshed and comfortable. The slight doubts and unhappiness of before were quickly toss to the back of his mind.

The two talked and laughed the entire way, walking to the door of McDonald’s.

At this McDonald’s, there was a bench by the door. On the bench sat a clown dressed as Ronald McDonald. Li Yundong and Su Chan had just reached the door and was about to open it when this Ronald McDonald clown gave a strange shout and jumped out from the side. In his hands, he was even holding a human sized mouse in a the box toy.

Su Chan was startled and subconsciously punched out.

The poor Ronald McDonald fell on his back. The human sized toy he held also fell onto the floor. The mouse popped in and out of the box.

Li Yundong was shocked. He hurried over to help the person up. As he supported the clown, he said, “Hey, are you okay?”

Before Li Yundong supported the person, he did not know. After he supported the person, he felt an extremely soft sensation. This Ronald Mcdonald with a rather petite build moaned, “It hurts…”

‘Hmm? A girl?’

Li Yundong felt more apologetic on the inside. He raised his head and helplessly glanced at Su Chan. “What are you waiting for? Apologize.”

Su Chan gave a big pout. “Who let her suddenly scare me like that?”

The McDonald girl took off the fake nose on her face. She rubbed her reddened nose and sullenly said, “I’m fine. I’m used to it. A couple more time and I won’t need a fake nose anymore to pretend to be Ronald McDonald.”

Li Yundong chuckled and said, “You’re really tolerant. How come this McDonald hired a girl like you to act as Ronald? On a hot day like this, you’re out here wearing so much, can you take it?”

The girl wore heavy face paint on her face. She lightly smiled and said, “Gotta earn money! Okay. I’m fine. You can go in. Remember order a bit more to eat, okay?”

Li Yundong smiled and said, “Of course. How about I buy a portion for you? It’s our wrong after all.”

The girl waved her hand, “No need. Thank you.”

Li Yundong saw that the girl was truly fine, so he stood up. He walked to Su Chan’s side and gave her a profound look. He let out a sigh.

Su Chan lowered her head until it was really low. She was like a little kid who did something wrong. Her head would raise from time to time to peek at Li Yundong.

She felt as if she were greatly wronged. Even though it was clearly someone else’s wrong, in the end, it was as if she did something wrong. She had practically made more mistakes here in the mundane world than she did in ten years of living in the mountain.

“Forget it. Let’s go eat.” Li Yundong did not say any more. He only patted Su Chan’s head.

The two walked into the McDonald’s. The inside was overcrowded. The little fox’s fresh yet alluring, classical yet sensual appearance and attire immediately attracted everyone’s attention.

The men greedily sized up Su Chan. They used an admiring yet jealous gaze to look at Li Yundong.

Li Yundong chose a seat near the children area to sit down. He said to the little fox, “Wait for me here.” With those words, he got up and walked to the counter to buy two set meals and two ice cream cones.

Li Yundong carried the trays and walked to the front of the little fox. He passed her an ice cream cone and said with a smile, “Try this.”

The little fox curiously accepted the ice cream cone. Stretching out her small bright red tongue, she carefully gave it a lick. She immediately beamed with delight, “How sweet!”

Li Yundong smiled and said, “Of course, the original ingredients for McDonald’s ice cream cones are shipped from another country. It’s much tastier than KFC’s ice cream cone.”

The little fox licked at the ice cream incessantly. She had no attention to spare for Li Yundong’s words.

Li Yundong watched Su Chan’s little tongue lick at the ice cream. She looked lovely, innocent and cute. This scene made him wish he could hug her to his chest and dote on her a lot.

Especially the way her soft and tender lips and bright red tongue contrasted vividly with the white of the ice cream, especially the way Su Chan gently suck and slowly licked at the ice cream, these scenes suddenly awakened Li Yundong’s perversion and made him think of certain obscene censored imagery.

Li Yundong could not resist revealing a sinful smile. In a small voice, he muttered, “If there were a time she licks… like she licks this ice cream… then even dying under that tree peony and becoming a ghost would be considered an accomplishment.”

The little fox heard Li Yundong muttering quietly. She just happened to feel that simply licking the ice cream was satisfying enough. So she opened her mouth and put the cone in. Snap! She bit down on the half that was in her mouth, then started to chew. At the same time, she asked in a muffled voice, “What did you say?”

Li Yundong saw her actions and could not help but feel a bit of pain in his balls. Subconsciously, he squeezed his legs together. Then with a face full of righteousness he said, “Nothing! Let’s eat!”

The little fox glanced at Li Yundong baffled. She mumbled to herself, “What a strange fellow.”

Li Yundong roll his eyes all the way around on the inside. ‘I think you’re the stranger one!’

Su Chan heartily finished her ice cream cone, ending up with ice cream around her mouth. Li Yundong watched both annoyed and amused. He passed her a napkin and said, “Wipe yourself.”

Su Can accepted the napkin slightly at a loss, not knowing what he meant. “What is it?”

Li Yundong could not resist. He picked up a napkin and stood up halfway to helped the little fox wipe clean the ice cream stuck around her mouth.

Su Chan watched Li Yundong. As she allowed him to wipe her clean, she chuckled and said, “You look really silly like this!”

Li Yundong smiled and said, “I look silly? I think you’re the sillier one. Silly like a little wild cat.”

Su Chan gave a humph. “I am not silly. I am a fox… we’re the smartest everywhere. Even my master praises me.”

The little fox in a moment of talkativeness nearly slipped up and revealed her origin. After she finished speaking, grinned and stuck out her tongue internally.

Li Yundong smiled and said, “You’re smart? Alright then, I’ll ask you a question. There are seven birds on a tree. A gun was used to shoot one off the tree. How many bird are left on the tree?”

The little fox replied slightly offended, “You actually used such a simple question to test me. Do you want to make me mad? Of course there are six left!”

Li Yundong laughed out loud. “Fool. Not a single one is left. The one that was killed fell down but the other ones were scared away.”

The little fox was flabbergasted. Her eyes were really opened really wide. How could she know there were people in the mundane world idle to the point of being a pain in the ass and these people would fiddle around and create some mind twisting questions that could trick people relentlessly?

She was unwilling to give in and biting her lips, she said, “That doesn’t count. Give me another one.”

Li Yundong thought to himself if he told these kinds of old fashioned jokes to other people, they would hold him in contempt. Only when he told these jokes to this silly girl, would she apparently get excited. He said, “Then I’ll ask you again. There are seven birds on the tree. One of them was shot down using a gun, how many birds are left?”

The little fox was even more angry. She answered, “You’re asking the same question twice? Even if you’re looking down on me, you can’t be like this. Of course there are none left!”

Li Yundong laughed loudly, “Fool. There’s one left! The one under the tree.”

The little fox slapped the table and stood up. She angrily said, “You’re cheating. You clearly asked how many bird were left on the tree in the beginning.”

Li Yundong replied all smiles, “But just now, I asked how many birds are left. Of course it would include the dead bird!”

The little fox stared blankly. “That works too?”

Li Yundong saw that she was acting foolish, so he smiled and said, “Then do you know how this bird died?”

The little fox was suddenly indignant. She wanted to open her mouth and curse. ‘Even if you look down on people, you can’t act like this. Just now didn’t you say it was killed by a gun?”

However, she remember what she learned before, so her anger abruptly vanished. She weakly asked, “How-how did it die?”

Li Yundong saw her reaction and broke out in laughter. “You fool. Of course, it died from stupidity.”

The little fox was dumbstruck. After being dazed for a long while, she vacantly asked, “Clearly it was killed by the gun. Why did it die of stupidity?”

After she spoke, the crowd who had perked up their ears and had been listening to the exchange between Li Yundong and Su Chan the entire time could not help but laugh. Every one of them burst into laughter.

Li Yundong looked at her silly expression and could not help but reach out and pinch her nose. He said, “Didn’t you, a silly bird, die of stupidity?”

Su Chan cried out ‘aiya’ and slapped away Li Yundong’s hand. She sat down puffing in anger. “I’m going to ignore you. You’re bully me. I’m not a silly bird!”

Li Yundong snickered nonstop. His laughter made Su Chan a bit angry due to humiliation.

At this time, the girl dressed as Ronald McDonald also came. She walked to the children area and started playing with the kids. The girl carried an apple basket on her arm. In a loud voice, she asked the thirteen children in the children area, “I have eight apples here. But there are thirteen of you kids. What should we do?”

Both McDonald’s and KFC had this kind of activity. The girl actually wanted the children to learn from Kong Rong and the pears. The ones who did not get an apple would naturally get an apple later.

Unfortunately, Su Chan who had been made fun of by Li Yundong could not help herself. She could not accept the conclusion that she was a silly bird. So she wanted to prove herself.

Su Chan stood up with a whoosh and said in a loud voice, “I know how to split them!”

The girl curiously looked over at Su Chan and very cooperatively asked, “How should we split them?”

Su Chan said, “Kill Five of Them.”

After she finished speaking, the entire restaurant went silent. Not a single voice could be heard.

~~~

* Kong Rong and the pears – a classic story with a moral where Kong Rong picked the smaller pears leaving the bigger ones to his older brothers. It is used to teach young kids about courtesy.

sample_6be03551f6fe4795b3c8d1b9fcdac3cb45bafba9.png

[Previous Chapter] [Table of Contents] [Next Chapter]

15 thoughts on “Chapter 12: Kill Five of Them

  1. “I’m going to ignore you. You’re bully me. I’m not a silly bird!”

    Maybe it should be *you bully me* or *youre bullying me*

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s